“Fake it ’til you make it” is a phrase we’ve all heard at some point. It promises that pretending to have confidence or expertise can help us eventually embody those qualities.
But in a world where authenticity is prized, is this approach outdated, or even harmful? Does faking confidence and competence help us grow, or does it risk making us feel like impostors?
Perhaps there is a fine line between self-improvement and authenticity?
Where did “Fake It ‘Til You Make It” come from?
The phrase has its roots in psychology, particularly in the idea of acting as if. It suggests that by mimicking behaviours we aspire to, we can condition ourselves to adopt them. In many ways, it’s a form of self-empowerment. Feeling nervous about public speaking? Project confidence, and eventually, it may become second nature. Facing a challenging project? Act like you’ve got it under control, and soon you may really develop the skills and mindset to handle it.
At its best, “fake it ‘til you make it” is about bridging the gap between WHO YOU ARE and WHO YOU WANT TO BECOME. It encourages stepping out of your comfort zone, pushing past self-doubt, and building resilience. There’s psychological backing to the notion that how we behave can influence how we feel – studies show that even simple gestures like smiling can make you feel happier.
But….is it as easy as all that?
There is another side to this strategy—one that involves pretence, insecurity, and potential burnout. When does faking it become a problem?
- Imposter Syndrome: Pretending to be something you’re not can sometimes fuel feelings of imposter syndrome. Instead of feeling more capable, you may start believing you’re a fraud, which can increase anxiety and self-doubt. When you continuously project an image that doesn’t align with your true self, you risk deepening the gap between who you are and who you’re trying to be.
- Inauthenticity: Today’s social and professional environments place a premium on authenticity. People value transparency, vulnerability, and realness. Faking confidence or skills may seem disingenuous, especially if it’s prolonged or used to cover up deficiencies rather than improve them. Over time, being inauthentic can lead to shallow connections with others or even damage your reputation.
- Burnout and Disconnection: Constantly projecting an image that isn’t true to who you are can be exhausting. Keeping up appearances, especially if they conflict with your values, can lead to stress and burnout. Rather than growing into a role, you might find yourself feeling disconnected from both you and your work.
Why does it matter?
Authenticity is more than just a buzzword; it’s about aligning your actions with your values and being honest about your abilities. True confidence doesn’t come from faking competence—it comes from DEVELOPING it. Authenticity involves acknowledging your limitations and taking ownership of your journey, even when it’s uncomfortable.
- Embrace Vulnerability: Being authentic means embracing vulnerability. It’s okay not to have all the answers or to admit when you’re learning. In fact, this openness is often perceived as a strength. In leadership, and in life, people tend to respond better to those who are honest about their flaws rather than those who mask them with a facade of perfection.
- Growth Over Pretence: The real key to self-improvement lies in the balance between aspiration and honesty. Rather than faking expertise, focus on showing up fully as yourself—someone who is committed to growth. You can acknowledge that you’re not there yet while still working toward your goals. This fosters genuine learning and a more sustainable path to success.
- Authentic Confidence: The ultimate goal of self-improvement isn’t just to appear confident—it’s to FEEL confident. Authentic confidence is grounded in self-awareness. It comes from knowing both your strengths and areas for improvement and feeling secure in that balance. When you base your confidence on real progress, rather than a facade, it’s more lasting and robust.
When “Faking It” Can Be Useful
I think there’s a time and place for a little bit of “faking it.” In certain high-stakes situations, adopting a confident stance, even if you don’t fully feel it yet, can help you rise to the occasion. Think of it as temporary scaffolding that supports you while you build the real structure of competence and self-assurance.
- Overcoming Fear: If nerves or self-doubt are keeping you from taking action, sometimes acting “as if” can get you through the initial hurdle. You don’t need to have everything figured out; sometimes, simply showing up with a positive attitude can make a big difference.
- Building New Habits: There’s value in pushing yourself to embody the traits you want to develop. Want to become more organised? Start by mimicking the habits of someone who is. You’re not pretending in this case—you’re practicing new behaviours until they become second nature.
Finding the Balance: Authenticity Meets Aspiration
Rather than choosing between “faking it” and being authentic, the key is finding balance. Here are some ways to navigate the tension:
- Start with Self-Awareness: Know where you currently stand, but also where you want to go. Understand your strengths and weaknesses, and use this as a foundation for growth.
- Be Honest with Yourself and Others: It’s okay to project confidence when you need to, but be transparent about your journey. This builds trust and credibility while still allowing you to push past your fears.
- Commit to Growth: The aim isn’t to remain in a perpetual state of “faking it” but to use it as a bridge. Build the skills, take on challenges, and continually strive to align your external image with your internal self.
Fake it until you BECOME it
I work with my clients to make sure they use the “faking it” approach to help them develop true confidence. We know what confidence looks like, so let’s build those muscles until they get stronger. Then we have the power to reframe the stories we tell ourselves which have such a bearing on the confidence we feel.
For help finding your true confidence and communicating authentically and honestly, get in touch.